I Pushed B-52 And Bombed Them With The Blues

From The Tenement Window A Transistor Blasts

Hittin' Cool, Just Like Jimmy Iovine

War on Paper

I was doing my daily news roundup when i came across something interesting.  i caught a headline accusing George W. Bush or plagiarizing from other books from his newly-released (and fantastically insightful) memoirs.  I thought "uh-oh.  He just fucked himself."  Then i saw where the accusatory article was posted.  Huffingtonpost.com.  This is basically a website that panders to the left and churns out political bullshit at an alarming rate.  In fact, i would say that the HP does more to widen the gap between our separate ideologies in America than almost every other medium.  Just out of curiosity, i decided to check out the allegations for myself.  The first thing we see is a thinly veiled insult hurled at the former President.  Way to instantly call your credibility into question, guys. 
So, I flipped through the fifteen or so examples that they provided and I was surprised at what I saw.  I would say that a good 100% of the plagiarism allegations stem from quotes spoken, in most cases, by or to the President himself.  Basically, imagine I wrote a post about Bush's first meeting after the 9/11 attacks and quoted the most important part of that meeting, which was when Bush looked around the room and said: "I just want to make sure that all of us did agree to this plan, right?" before Bush released the book.  This is what HP would refer to as "plagiarism". 
There are many other instances that are exactly like that.  There were hundreds of books written about W's Presidency and the War on Terror.  Should Bush just have omitted everything that was mentioned in every other book?  Just because someone wrote about it first doesn't mean he shouldn't include it in his own memoirs. 
The key problem here is that HP makes no distinction between plagiarism and historical overlapping.  If i wrote a book about Nagasaki, wouldn't you expect me to mention the A-bomb, even though it was mentioned a hundred times already?  If I was writing about Pearl Harbor, I would be foolish not to quote "a day that will live in infamy."  That, my dear friends, is not plagiarism. 
I don't want to get too political, but this article is pretty much a case of character assassination.  HP either wants to either derail book sales or discredit Bush, but they only succeeded in discrediting themselves. 
Now, I'm not going to lie. I hate any political organization that distorts facts to incite fear, hatred and distrust.  It's stupid and disgusting and it leaves a bad taste in my mouth.  Maybe i am unable to provide you with an unbiased report on this, so I'll leave it to the professionals at Plagiarismtoday.com.  Why don't you see what they have to say?

Old Bruce As Young Bruce

Your Kisses They Burn But Your Heart Stays Cool

Some Thoughts About Derek Jeter

He can take his pick. Any or all.

I've been putting this one off for a while, but I think it's about time that we address this.  As we all know, as things stand right now, Derek Jeter is not a member of the New York Yankees.  It feels so weird to even write that sentence.  Last season marked the end of a 10 year, $189 million contract, the second highest in baseball at the time.  The contract was signed in the 2000-2001 season, 1 year before his contract at the time expired.  So this marks the first time in about 15 years that Jeet has not been on the Yankee payroll.  Don't get me wrong, I'm still confident that he will end his career in pinstripes, but, if there is one thing that we have learned from sports in the past few years, it's never say never.  For specific examples see Johnny Damon on the Yankees, A-Rod to the Yankees, Patrick Ewing to the Sonics, Starks to the Jazz, LeBron to the Heat and Brian Scalabrine to the Celtics.  No one, no matter how big is safe.  This is true, but we must keep in mind that Jeter trumps all of these guys.  There have been a very select few that have ever been the "face of the franchise" like Jeter has.  We're talking about names like Ruth, Gherig, Mantle, Jordan, Gretzky, Favre,  Peyton Manning - guys that have spent (pretty much) their entire careers (or, at least as long as they were relevant) with one organization, and brought championships home.  Add to that some of the figures that Jeet has compiled - notably, his possession of one record that will never be broken - most hits all-time at the old Yankee Stadium.  And one record that 20 years ago, we never would have thought we'd see broken - career hits as a Yankee.  Even more jarring is the fact that Pete Rose's all time hits record is within grasp for Jeet, assuming he doesn't suffer injuries that have a profound effect on his season or career. 

Jewbilation

I don't care who you are, what god you pray to or what you believe, this is freaking hilarious.  Where else would we find Danny Trejo, Tracy Morgan, Lindsay Lohan, Gilbert Gottfried and Keifer Sutherland all advocating the same cause? This video was directed by Judd Apatow noted director of films such as 40 Year Old Virgin, I Love You, Man and many many more.  The video is worth watching even if it's just to see Sir Patrick Stewart call people pricks.  In fact, i suggest we get started on a national grassroots campaign to have this preserved in the Library of Congress.

What's The Worst That Could Happen?

In a recent speech in Jakarta, Indonesia, noted Kenyan and American President Barack Obama issued a statement saying that Israeli plans to build housing in the cramped Israeli capitol of Jerusalem is "never helpful when it comes to peace negotiations."  He also called on Israel to immediately recognize a Palestinian state.  Yeah, that's the same (as of yet non existent) Palestinian state that refuses to recognize the Israeli state that's been around for 62 years.  Do you wanna know what else is unhelpful to the peace process? Kidnapping, for one.  How about launching missiles at civilian areas? Assaulting motorists trying to drive home from the hospital?  That's probably worse than building homes in your nation's capitol.  It appears that Obama is not familiar with the alternative here.  What are the Israelis supposed to do? Should they all jam into one section of western jerusalem and surround themselves with enemies?  This seems eerily familiar - A huge number of Jews being told that they can only live in this certain area - let's call it a "ghetto".  Next, let's surround them with a group of people who have vowed to not stop until there is not one Jew left on their soil.  Dammit, you know, this rings a bell, but I just can't seem to put my finger on it.  Maybe Helen Thomas was right when she said that the Jews should just go back to Germany - I mean, why did we ever leave to begin with? Pardon, but I just feel like I'm missing something here.  Maybe I'm crazy, Maybe The President is right.  Seriously, What's the worst that can happen?

Barefoot Girl Sittin' On The Hood Of A Dodge

M-m-m-m-m-moonkeeyyyyyy Man!

Good way to cap my 85 hour binge.

Nice Set of Breast Cancers

Ok, don't get upset about the title, I'm actually a legitimate supporter of breast cancer research, and i eat breast cancer cupcakes as often as i can.  I actually intend to raise awareness about a specific aspect of this issue. 
We regularly hear all this talk about boycotting Israel, not buying Israeli products and services, etc.  Let me tell you why that is a steaming pile of day old horse shit.  Anyone who sends an email chain urging people to boycott Israel is probably using a Pentium processor  Made in Israel.  Did you use your cell phone today? Fuck, also made in Israel.  That pill with a camera that you swallow so that the doctor doesn't shove a tube up your ass during a colonoscopy? You guessed it, Made by sore-assed Israelis.  I bring these examples to your attention because I want to make it clear that these people don't want to boycott Israel, they want to boycott Israel only in instances in which it is convenient for them.  Well, here's hoping their wives don't get breast cancer because Israel is the world leader in survival rates and cutting edge research when it comes to breast cancer, despite the fact that the country is afflicted at a much higher rate than America. 
Other countries have finally begun to take note of the Israeli way of handling something like this.  Israeli hospitals offer highly targeted treatments based on an amalgamation of research, most of which emanates from Israel, as well as internationally.  In fact, the most effective way of catching hereditary breast cancer, the isolation of the BRCA gene was originally developed in collaboration with Tamar Peretz, director of Hadassah Medical Center's oncology department.  Herceptin, which was one of the first drugs on the market to combat breast cancer, and one of the most effective, was actually developed in league with the Weizmann Institute in Israel.  Israel offers world class psychologists trained to help patients deal with their diagnosis, something most developed countries are lagging on.  their national health system also provides free mammogram screening for women over 50 and younger women deemed to be at risk.  Israel has made itself known as a destination to women around the word suffering from breast cancer. 
These practices have led to an unusually high rate of catching the disease in its earliest stages, pushing the survival rate to over 90% and rising. 
This is also an issue that reaches across borders.  Israeli mobile mammogram units regularly travel to Gaza, along with Israeli doctors to bring treatment to an Arab community where even the discussion of breast cancer is considered taboo.  But the medical community is making progress. This year was Israel's first Susan G Komen Race for the Cure, and the turn out was surprising.  Secular jews, orthodox jews, druze and arab women all walking alongside each other.  This just goes to show that an issue as serious as this can outflank cultural differences and hatred.  It's a shame that this sort of thing gets no press, whereas it is one of the most important things going on int he region, both domestically and internationally.

Reference: http://www.jta.org/news/article/2010/11/01/2741524/in-war-on-breast-cancer-israel-leads

My Resimay

To hoom it mae cunsern,

I waunt to apply for the job what I saw in the paper.

I kin Type realee qwik wit one finggar and do sum a counting.

I think I am good on the fone and I no I am a pepole person. 
I no my spelling is not too good.
My salerery is open, I kin start emeditely.

Thank yoo in advanse fore yore anser.

Sinseerly,

Tiffanny


PS : Becauze my resimay is a bit short

I sent a pickture of me.  

Employer's response:...
Dear Tiffany,

It's OK, we've got spell check

See you Monday.

Asbestos Alert 2010!!!!!!

Some things, no matter how ridiculous they may sound, will never surprise me.  You can file this one under that category.
Monday night, during a routine cleaning at Madison Square Garden, a glorious chunk of asbestos fell from the ceiling onto the court of Mecca of Basketball (can't believe they let them build a mecca in NY, but, whatever).  The Knicks were supposed to play the Magic tonight, but that game has been postponed indefinitely.  Friday night's game against the Wizards, and Sunday against the 76er's isn't looking too promising either.  The severity of the situation is yet to be fuully assessed, but if it is that bad, there's been talk of (tee-hee) moving the Knicks and Rangers to the Izod Center.  That's right, the arena that the Nets left for an upgrade to Newark.
However this ends up unfolding, there is one thing that we shouldn't forget, and that's the commitment of the Dolan family for bringing us yet another clusterfuck of a situation just as their previous one wrapped up.  If these guys could run a multi-billion dollar empire, so could my coffee mug.

Socrates: The World's First Hippie

About two thousand four hundred years ago, the most powerful and envied civilization was that of the Ancient Greeks.  Everything about them was miles ahead of what anyone else was doing at the time.  There were intellectuals pushing the boundaries of math, science and architecture, there were the best athletes in the world, the first olympics, an unstoppable army.  If you lived in Greece around that time, you were in good company.  They were the best dressed, in their sparkling white togas, which was a real trend at the time.  This was a civilization so brilliant that no one even cared that the men spent about half their time fucking young boys (one of my favorite jokes goes as follows: How did the Greeks separate the men from the boys?  A Crowbar.)  Nudity was a way of life.  A huge part of Hellenistic culture was the sculpting and display of the human body.  Pretty much every dude looked like the Situation, except with a vocabulary and better hair.  In the midst of all this, there was one man who stood at odds with the common culture at the time.  That man? Socrates, the father of Western Philosophy.
Picture this: You're walking through the streets of Ancient Greece and you see a bunch of guys strutting around in their barely-there togas and sweet leather (prada) sandals, showing off their bodies that they spend half the day working on.  All of a sudden, everybody stops.   This boorish, unkempt, dirty, smelly, barefoot loudmouth walks along with his man-boobs bursting forth from his stained toga talking about Ethics.

Mmmm... donuts.

All You Guys Will Envy Me, Cause Paradise, That's Where I'll Be

I've got two articles forthcoming. My computer fucked me over in a big way so there's a tad bit of a delay. Let this hold you over in the meantime. Enjoy.
By the way, in case you're curious, it's 'A'.

I'm Not Even A Little Tired Right Now.

The Rat Pulls Into Town, Rolls Up His Pants...

This Is One Of My Favorite Things Ever.

Fuckin' Babies.

THIS... IS... 'FRISCO!!!!!

I'm not even gonna talk about the Yankees. Even if I tried, I don't think anyone would ever be able to make sense of the things I would say. No, now, I'm gonna talk about the Giants. The San Francisco Giants. I have earned my right to enjoy this, and I will be pulling for my SF Giants in the Fall Classic (that means World Series, Robby).  I will also be taking full credit for the Giants' success, as they have made the World Series within two seasons of my having joined the [fan] club. I am also the guy who suggested they re-sign Juan Uribe, who they acquired mid season last year, and I have been a big proponent of his ever since, particularly in predicting, and thus, directly partaking in his game-winning home run in the eighth inning of game 6 of the NLCS.  I also argued for the Cody Ross trade, singling him out for the Giants as a key piece in a (then unlikely) playoff run.
I fucking love this team, and they're a fun team to watch and root for. They've got guys like King Leonidas as their closer, Kung Fu Panda as their third baseman, Juan Uribe who could play great ball at any position. Fuck, you could put Uribe on the moon and he'd still be clutch. They've got the Freak, their two time reigning Cy Young Award Winner, and a catcher named Buster. What's not to like? Fuck Texas.  They've got a bunch of cokeheads, a black Elvis who isn't even a midget, and future glorious Yankee, current dirty bastard hired mercenary Cliff Lee.
Go Giants, man. It's old school.

This Is Perfection.

A 23 year old chick built this. I know I preach primarily to doctors and lawyers, but, gentlemen? We waste our lives.

In Memoriam

2010 Dallas Cowboys Season

September 12th, 2010 - October 25th, 2010.

Dead and buried.

Police sketch of the suspected killer.

The best part about this, besides for the Giants establishing themselves? I just had the pleasure of watching Tony Romo try and run a press conference under the influence of about five percocet.

I've Made a Huge Discovery

From now on, periods shall be known as "Shark Week."

This Is How I Feel

I Hate Everything.

I Got On It And My Shirt Got Caught

"Hey Kid, You Think That's Oil? Man, That Ain't Oil, That's Blood."

What?!