I'm Not Even A Little Tired Right Now.

The Rat Pulls Into Town, Rolls Up His Pants...

This Is One Of My Favorite Things Ever.

Fuckin' Babies.

THIS... IS... 'FRISCO!!!!!

I'm not even gonna talk about the Yankees. Even if I tried, I don't think anyone would ever be able to make sense of the things I would say. No, now, I'm gonna talk about the Giants. The San Francisco Giants. I have earned my right to enjoy this, and I will be pulling for my SF Giants in the Fall Classic (that means World Series, Robby).  I will also be taking full credit for the Giants' success, as they have made the World Series within two seasons of my having joined the [fan] club. I am also the guy who suggested they re-sign Juan Uribe, who they acquired mid season last year, and I have been a big proponent of his ever since, particularly in predicting, and thus, directly partaking in his game-winning home run in the eighth inning of game 6 of the NLCS.  I also argued for the Cody Ross trade, singling him out for the Giants as a key piece in a (then unlikely) playoff run.
I fucking love this team, and they're a fun team to watch and root for. They've got guys like King Leonidas as their closer, Kung Fu Panda as their third baseman, Juan Uribe who could play great ball at any position. Fuck, you could put Uribe on the moon and he'd still be clutch. They've got the Freak, their two time reigning Cy Young Award Winner, and a catcher named Buster. What's not to like? Fuck Texas.  They've got a bunch of cokeheads, a black Elvis who isn't even a midget, and future glorious Yankee, current dirty bastard hired mercenary Cliff Lee.
Go Giants, man. It's old school.

This Is Perfection.

A 23 year old chick built this. I know I preach primarily to doctors and lawyers, but, gentlemen? We waste our lives.

In Memoriam

2010 Dallas Cowboys Season

September 12th, 2010 - October 25th, 2010.

Dead and buried.

Police sketch of the suspected killer.

The best part about this, besides for the Giants establishing themselves? I just had the pleasure of watching Tony Romo try and run a press conference under the influence of about five percocet.

I've Made a Huge Discovery

From now on, periods shall be known as "Shark Week."

This Is How I Feel

I Hate Everything.

I Got On It And My Shirt Got Caught

"Hey Kid, You Think That's Oil? Man, That Ain't Oil, That's Blood."

What?!

It's Just a Giant T-Rex With Wings

Imagine a Giraffe.  Now imagine it had 30-foot wings.  Now imagine that it has none of the faggy qualities of a giraffe, and only the terrifying size of a giraffe.  Now imagine it's got teeth a foot long and razor sharp.  I know what you're thinking.  "Maybe I can run from it."  This motherfucker can fly 10,000 miles in one fucking journey.  In fact, most flights that this horrifying creature would take burned off an average of about 160 lbs in energy.  That's a human. 
See This?

Yeah, you know - that huge bird looking thing with a grown dinosaur in its mouth?  Thats a standard Pterosaur.  I'm talking about Giant Pterosaurs.
These collosal monstrosities could chase you across multiple continents. 
Look, I don't know what it is that end up doing the dinosaurs in, but I'm fucking glad it happened.

Good Old Follow-Up Post

This relates to my last post on cable blackouts.  Most of us are effected by it, but don't know what to do about it.  One thing you can do is join the Sports Fans Coalition which is based out of DC and lobbys on behalf of people like us who just want to watch their ballgames.  I signed up and I urge you to do the same.  The more names in their "coalition" the more potential voters a politician sees, and that's how you get things done.  Bitches.

Let's Buy Cablevision and News Corp Some Condoms

So that they don't infect me while they've been fucking me non-stop since Saturday.  I'm sure most, if not all of you have heard me implode about this issue once or twice already, but here it is for posterity.
Starting at the stroke of midnight, Saturday, October 16th, 2010, News Corp pulled from 3.5 million Cablevision subscribers their subsidiary channels Fox 5 (39 in Philly) and MY9, which nobody was really watching anyways.  In fact, i think My9 has more viewers now that it is off the air.  That's like telling your two-year old that he can't have any vagisil.
On Saturday, we missed Game 1 of the NLCS - San Francisco Giants at Philadelphia Phillies.  On Sunday, Football games on Fox were blacked out as well, denying in-market fans their beloved New York Giants and Philadelphia Eagles.  In addition to that, Sunday saw the continuation of the NLCS blackout, shuttering Game 2.  We are now in the fourth day of disputes with no end in sight.  In a few hours, I would count on missing Game 3 of the NLCS as well.
How about some background information on this whole fracas?
I'll get into it after the jump...

Hello, Nice Kitty.

Fucking Clifton Phifer, Dammit.

Freddy No Longer Sez

Anybody who has been to Yankee Stadium any time during the last 22 years knows Freddy Schuman.  Maybe you don't know him by name, or even if you saw him, but you're a fucking liar if you say you've never heard that distinct sound of cheap spoon banging against even cheaper pan.  Missing no more than a handful of the 81 home games a year (think two to five missed games a year.  maybe less) On my estimation, Freddy has been a stadium mainstay for almost 1,700 games.
Something that i find particularly interesting in Freddy's saga is the fact that he is the closest thing we Yankee fans have to a mascot.  That's right, the mascot of a $200 million organization is a one eyed, one toothed, raspy voiced old man.

Freddy Schuman

May 23, 1925 - October 17, 2010

Freddy's pan and spoon is currently en route to Cooperstown for enshrinement in the Baseball Hall of Fame.  This is the tradition that the Bombers espouse.  We have more fans in Cooperstown than the Pirates have players.  

Former Mayor Giuliani once said "He's an embodiment of the die-hard Yankee fan. If Freddy isn't there with his pan, it doesn't feel right. It feels like there's something missing."

Something's missing, alright.

I was one of the lucky thousands who got to bang Freddy's pan.  It was the first pan i banged, and I will never forget it.
Here's to you, Freddy.  Let's hope the team brings it home for you.

Goddamned Cablevision Fucking Me Over

Not porn. Dolphins.

A Beautiful Maltese Tiger.

I've been saying it all along, man.  Ozymandias too.

My Heart's Wood, She's a Carpenter...

Poor Man Wanna Be Rich, Rich Man Wanna Be King...

More, Please.

"Let's tear this old mothah down!"

I saw His Highness in the city some months ago.

I know it's a few days late, but, Happy Anniversary,

Big Man!

Somebody Call Al Sharpton

This is awesome.  Green Party Illinois Gubernatorial candidate Richard Whitney's name was misspelled on about two dozen ballot machines which were then sent to predominantly black neighborhoods.  What was the typo?  RICH WHITEY. Oh man, it really doesn't get any better than that.  I'm still not sure what's more detrimental to his campaign, that, or the fact that he's affiliated with the motherfucking Green Party.  I think that you can run on the National Socialist ticket and still get more votes than the Green Party.

Breaking News, Motherfuckers!

Originally reported by Deadline:

Former crackhead and current awesome actor Tom Hardy has landed a "leading role" in the upcoming third and final installment of Christopher Nolan's Untitled BATMAN 3 Project, slated for release July 20, 2012.
You probably remember Hardy from his role as Eames, the "Forger" in Nolan's most recent film, Inception.
If you ask me, though, and I'm sure many would agree, his tour de force came in 2009's Bronson, a movie based on London's most notorious prison inmate.  Great fucking movie.  He was also in one of my all time favorites, L4Y3R CAK3.

Friday Afternoon Grabbag

Gorgeous stained glass window in a European church.

Not sure why the priests insisted on keeping this panel

during renovations.

Seriously, fuck you, Yoko.  You just make me so mad.

Brilliant sushi restaurant in Los Angeles.  If you ask for

spicy mayo, the sushi chef charges out from behind the bar

and pierces your heart with a Hattori Hanzo samurai sword.